I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize