The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize