so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
