He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize