Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize