i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
