Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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