so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
