No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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