Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
is it fun? or sober?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize