maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
