Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
