What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
