I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
