this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You took a bar mat shot.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
