She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
