just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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