I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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