No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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