and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He? As in you personified your dick?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
