Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
