I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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