I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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