So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
