even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize