Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
