considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
