I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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