OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize