Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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