The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
