We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Green mimosas i think yes
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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