I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
smell my finger.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
