Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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