So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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