True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
