I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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