So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
