He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
