there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
