just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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