Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
