Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
