glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize