I'm sorry my penis didn't work
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
