She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
