i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
