My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Fuck appropriateness.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
