Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
