He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
