so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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