Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
