what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i believe in u and ur pee
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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