My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
