I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
