I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
