I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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