On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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