Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
