Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
