I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
