im holly from the hills drunk
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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