he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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