Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
