so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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