i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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