I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
