And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just found puke in my bra..
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Congratulations! We have a period
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
