You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
